‘How Can I Stop My Dog From Being Overly Protective of Me?’

My dog, Covid, is very protective of me, which is good to an extent. But he won’t even allow my 16-year-old and 20-year-old kids to hug me without getting defensive towards them. I’m not sure if he is just intimidating them or if he will really attack them, but I don’t want to find out. What can I do to prevent this from happening? – Amanda

This is a scary problem to have, especially when kids are involved. The truth is, it’s also a hard question to give a straightforward answer to. A lot depends on your dog’s motivation. Is your dog protecting you? Is he resource guarding? Is he in fear of the kids? I’d also want to observe your dog’s body language while going toward your kids – is he barking and growling? Is his hair standing on end?

In general, I would focus on utilising a ‘stay’ command in this case, ideally through a barrier like a baby gate – but not something as obstructing as, say, a tall fence. Have the dog do a ‘stay’ command, then have your kids approach. Give them a hug, move away and give Covid a high-value reward. Repeat this many times. What you’re trying to do is change the dog’s emotional association to people approaching and hugging you. You might want to start with actions smaller than a hug, such as a handshake, or just talking in close proximity.

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As far as Covid’s behaviour toward your children, if it seems truly scary and aggressive, you’ll need to expose him to increasingly challenging versions of the things that stress him out. I’d wager that this isn’t the only thing that makes Covid wig out. There’s something called a ‘relaxation protocol’ – the Karen Overall Relaxation Protocol – that you can find online. I’d start with that and have some of the last things you do involve family members approaching for a hug. If there’s true danger, I would make sure there is space between the family and the dog while doing this. 

Sometimes, people train a dog to do a ‘stay’ command through a barrier and the dog still reacts when they’re right next to their pet parent, even if they don’t have a problem from a metre and a half away. In this case, you would have to practise in closer and closer proximity.

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At that point, while practising, you might want to consider a muzzle to make sure we’re keeping everybody safe. Keep in mind that muzzle training is its own separate task – you shouldn’t just slap a muzzle on a dog. You would need to go through muzzle desensitisation. I recommend The Muzzle Project for help doing this. Work on training – the ‘stay’ command and counter conditioning toward family members – while doing muzzle desensitisation. Then, as you’re getting closer and closer, you can combine the muzzle and the training protocol. 

Best of luck solving this problem. Remember to always prioritise safety, and be patient with yourself and your dog.