How to Raise Your Dog in a Shared Living Space, From Roommates Who Know

Best friends Jen and Lee share the highs and lows of coparenting their two dogs in a shared living space. As told to Ro Elfberg.

Jen: Living with your best mate and their dog is one thing, but living with them, their dog and your own dog is a whole different story. Lee and I have been friends for over 20 years but, historically, our dogs did not share the same love for one another.

I adopted my Staffie Noodles from Battersea around 13 years ago when she was roughly three years old. She had been rescued from a dog fighting ring, so has always had behavioural issues around other dogs, including Lee’s Jack Russell Dotty, who Lee adopted from a friend when she was a few years old.

Aside from their obvious size difference, Dotty and Noodles couldn’t be any more different personality wise: Dotty is a super independent girl who likes to do her own thing, like climb up on the roof to play with the local foxes (!) or run off into the marshes to explore by herself while on a walk; whereas Noodles is very clingy and loves nothing more than to eat and cuddle. Before we lived together, Noodles and Dotty hated each other and couldn’t be in the same room as one another, which proved pretty tricky for our friendship. However, when I needed to move in with Lee, we knew we’d have to figure out a way to help them be friends before we could even start worrying about how we were going to coparent two pups together.

Lee: I think things were made easier by the fact that Noodles is quite elderly now, so she just can’t really be bothered to be aggressive with Dotty anymore. Previously, Noodles would get jealous of either of us (especially Jen) giving Dotty attention, but we’ve worked out a way to ensure both dogs get ample attention and no one needs to get annoyed!

Divide and conquer

Jen: Even though Noodles is technically my dog and Dotty is technically Lee’s, we make sure to share responsibilities between us including feeding schedules, vet visits and daily walks. They mainly eat the same food and treats, too, so rather than viewing it as, ‘I will buy things for my dog and you buy them for yours,’ we just keep it fair – but we don’t keep track in a rigid way, we just roughly take it in turns paying for things. The only costs we keep separate are vet bills and insurance, as Noodles has a lot more health needs than Dotty as she’s a senior with a few issues.

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Vet visits: a full-time job

Lee: One of the things that’s been helpful for Jen about having me around is sharing trips to the vet. Although Noodles is in relatively good health for her age, she still has to go to the vet a lot for check-ups and scans. Before we lived together, Jen would have to take lots of time off work for vet visits, but now we can share the load as my work schedule is a bit more flexible, so I’m happy to take her too.

Jen: Having an elderly dog is very full-on in terms of her needs, from making sure she takes certain meds at certain times of the day to all these vet visits Lee mentioned. So it really is a great help to have Lee on hand. And in return? I provide moral support when Lee expresses Dotty’s anal glands! 

Slow walks and fast runs

Lee: We’re lucky enough to live in a spot where our back door opens out on to the canal path with vast open marshes and fields beyond that. I work from home more than Jen, so she usually does the morning walk before work. To accommodate both the dogs’ needs (Noodles can’t go very far and needs to stay on the lead for most of the time versus Dotty who wants to run wild), Jen takes them to a rugby pitch that’s only about three minutes walk away from us, so Noodles can go to the toilet and have a little potter about and Dotty can run around, chase a tennis ball and let off some steam. Then, later in the day, I’ll go out again with Dotty on a really long walk where she has free reign to go wherever she likes. Noodles is usually snoozing around this time so we just leave her to chill. 

Food fights

Jen: Feeding the dogs is where things get a little... interesting. Noodles is obsessed with food: she will – and frequently has – eaten anything and everything she can get her paws on, so we had to be careful not to create an environment of food aggression. Dotty’s chill vibe helps with this a lot – we’ll feed Noodles first and keep Dotty out the way, so that by the time we give Dotty dinner, Noodles is already in a food coma. 

Lee: This is not to say the dogs don’t try and outsmart us though. We do our best to communicate if we’ve fed them yet or not but sometimes they have ended up with double dinners. For example, I’ll feed them both before I go out for the evening, then Jen will get home from work and Noodles will start barking and begging at her food bowl, which makes Jen think I’ve forgotten to feed them! This is one of the few times Noodles and Dotty truly team up against us, as Dotty will actually back Noodles up and start whining at her food bowl too – she knows the game they’re playing and they’ve both successfully manipulated us into double dinners multiple times!

Jen: We keep saying we will set up a system to indicate we’ve fed them so that even if we forget to message, it’s still clear… but it hasn‘t materialised yet!

It takes a village

Lee: As well as Jen, Noodles, Dotty and I, we actually have a few other housemates too, which makes communal care even easier. Both dogs love our other housemates and thankfully the housemates love them in return. We never ask them to chip in financially but they do sometimes buy treats for the dogs and often offer to take them on walks. These girls don’t know how lucky they are to have an army of people to love them, cuddle them, walk them and shower them with treats!

The lessons we’ve learned

Jen: Despite the occasional tug-of-war over who is taking the dogs out or cleaning up the dog poo from the garden (usually me), the hilarious feeding disputes and the vet appointments that sometimes feel like another full-time job, Lee and I have learnt a lot about teamwork. It’s not always easy, and it’s definitely not always perfect, but there’s something incredibly rewarding about seeing both our dogs thrive in a shared space. Our house has become a place where Noodles and Dotty have found their rhythm together, and even when they’re at odds, we’re a team.

Lee: We may have our differences on how we ‘parent’ the dogs, but we both agree on one thing: our dogs have made our home feel complete – and just a little bit crazier. In the end, that’s what makes it all worth it.

Our tips for coparenting dogs

Work together

Jen: Find a system that works for both of you. Whether it’s walks, feeding or vet visits, make sure you divide responsibilities based on each person’s strengths and the dogs’ needs. It reduces stress and keeps things running smoothly. Lee’s a pro at handling Dotty’s energy, and I’m better with Noodles’ slower pace – so we stick to that.

Lee: Also, make sure to be flexible. You’ll find that some days things won’t go as planned, so don’t stress. If I’m running late, Jen’s there to handle the last-minute dog walk or feeding, and vice versa. It’s all about teamwork.

Keep a calendar

Jen: Noodles has a lot of vet appointments, so it helps to keep a shared calendar for when the dogs need their check-ups or medications. That way, neither of us forgets and we avoid the ‘wait, was that this week?’ panic.

Respect each other’s dog time

Jen: It’s easy to think we should both give all our attention to both dogs at all times, but they also need individual time with each of us. It’s important to respect that and give each dog their time with you.

Lee: I’ve learnt to let Jen have her moments with Noodles while I take Dotty on solo adventures to bond with her. It’s nice to let them have their time without too much interference.

Find common ground in training

Jen: Although both dogs were adults by the time we moved them in together, it was important to make sure we were treating them the same in terms of what they both are and aren’t allowed to do – and to stay consistent with it. If I’m teaching Noodles something, Lee should follow through, and if Lee’s teaching Dotty, I do the same. That way, the dogs aren’t confused, and we’re all on the same page.

Lee: Consistency is key, especially when it comes to behaviour. Dotty loves to get into trouble and if we don’t stick to the rules, she’ll definitely take advantage. We’re both committed to setting boundaries and teaching them how to behave – together.

Be patient and laugh through the chaos

Lee: Things don’t always go according to plan, and there will definitely be moments when one dog eats the other dog’s food, or when you step in something you really wish you hadn’t. But try to laugh it off and know that you’re in it together. It doesn’t help anyone if you start bickering about who forgot what or who was to blame for something. You have to remember you’re a team.

Jen: It can be chaos, but it’s our chaos, and that makes it fun. Living with someone else’s dog can take some getting used to. You might have different ideas about how to handle certain things, but patience is key. I’ve had to learn to give Lee space to handle Dotty in his own way.

Lee: And the dogs are going through their own adjustments, too. Dotty wasn’t sure how to handle Noodles when they first moved in, and Noodles was definitely not thrilled about Dotty’s high energy. It took some time, but now they’ve figured each other out. Patience goes a long way for both humans and dogs.