Please Stop Giving Me Unsolicited Advice About My Dog

If there’s one thing I’ve learned since becoming a dog mum, it’s that people love offering unsolicited advice. Whether it’s friends, dog sitters, or total bloody strangers, people just can’t help themselves. I’d heard that this nonsense was par for the course with kids of the human variety, but I wasn’t expecting it with my pets. It turns out that every man and his dog (ahem) seems to think they know my canine kids better than I do, even when they don’t know them at all. 

Take my ‘firstborn’ Lucy, for example. She’s a sassy ex-street pup who was scooped up by Sri Lankan veterinary charity, WECare Worldwide, in 2018 after being attacked by a wild boar. The incident left her with a huge black scar on her left flank, and dropped hocks from irreparably torn tendons in her rear legs.

Pet parenting deals, just for our kin

Get (totally free) deals for food, treats, accessories, tech and way more pet parenting must-haves.

Get Deals

Though she walks with a flat-footed gait, she’s not in pain (trust me, this girl can SPRINT when there’s a cat to chase), but it doesn’t stop total strangers staring at her and sticking their oar in. While out walking I’ve had someone judgmentally tell me I need to take her to the vet to get her ‘terrible skin’ (her scar) looked at, while another remarked that I should be massaging her ‘stiff legs’. Trust me on this: Lucy and the vet are well acquainted and last time I checked you can’t massage tendons back together…

People even question whether it’s cruel to walk Lucy, when the vet has stressed that she needs regular exercise to keep her back legs mobile and her weight down (she’s an absolute trash can). Another time, when guiding a dog sitter through my dogs’ meal requirements, they very confidently informed me that I shouldn’t be feeding them yoghurt. News flash – (plain) yoghurt is totally safe for dogs. Don’t get me started on the guy who told me I was overcautious for not letting my dogs gnaw on cooked chicken bones: “They’re street dogs! They can eat anything! Mine eat them and they’re fine.” Berating me for not giving my dogs the opportunity to choke on a bone? Weird flex, pal.

The list goes on, and I know I’m not alone. My vet nurse friend is constantly being ‘schooled’ by randoms at the park about how to treat her dog’s skin condition. A dog trainer mate has to put up with regular mansplaining from a guy who has zero canine qualifications, yet thinks he knows more about dog body language than her. Another friend recalls how a stranger once commented on her dog’s ‘incorrectly’ attached harness (it was fine), before proceeding to crouch down and undo it, right by a busy road. Bonkers behaviour.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m fully aware that I’m not a dog expert. I didn’t grow up with dogs (despite begging for one my entire childhood), so I’m constantly seeking guidance from the vets, vet nurses and dog behaviourists in my life. But Joe Bloggs off the street who thinks they’re an expert because they also share their life with dogs? Nah. Dogs are as unique as humans in their personalities, needs and health issues, and only a pet parent can fully understand the nuances of their individual animal/s. I spend most of my time with my dogs, so it’s common sense that I know them better than someone who’s judging them (or rather, me) from afar. 

Why does all this get my back up so much? Am I peeved because someone giving advice bruises my ego and makes me think they don’t trust my competence as a dog mum? Quite possibly. Am I justified in being annoyed by their comments? Absolutely. Especially when mansplaining is involved – statistically, women are more likely to receive unsolicited advice from men than the other way around. This same research also shows how – regardless of gender – unwanted advice lowers the recipient’s self worth and leaves them feeling disrespected. I can certainly attest to that. 

Perplexed with the whole situation, I asked chartered clinical psychologist Dr Tracy King to shed some light on people’s meddlesome ways.

“Unlike other personal choices, like how you manage your finances or relationships, pet parenting is visible,” explains Dr King. “People see you walking your dog, struggling with lead pulling, dealing with barking or chasing them down the street after an escape. This visibility invites opinions, whether you ask for them or not.

“Other dog parents often think they know exactly how to train, feed or handle yours, while assuming that you don’t.”

A 2018 study on the motivations behind unsolicited advice revealed that it makes the giver feel powerful. Rather than trying to be helpful, interfering types often do it because attempting to influence someone else’s behaviour gives them a sense of control. “All without actually doing anything useful,” adds Dr King.

She also describes a ‘rescue mentality’ among animal lovers, where they may feel justified stepping in if they think your dog is suffering (whether it is or not).

So, if you ever find yourself itching to dish out pet parenting suggestions to a friend or stranger who didn’t actually ask for your input, stop and ask yourself what your motivations are. Is it to help, or to fuel your ego? Do you know their dog well enough to be commenting on the situation? If you truly believe you do, then I beg you to have some self awareness and ask the recipient if they’re open to receiving guidance before getting involved.

And, if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s unwanted tips? A polite, “Thanks for your input,” should suffice. (Or you could just tell them to mind their own business) *shrug*

References

Santoro, Erik, and Hazel Rose Markus. “ Is Mansplaining Gendered? The Effects of Unsolicited, Generic, and Prescriptive Advice on U.S. Women.” Psychological Science, Nov. 2024, .

Schaerer, Michael, et al. “ Advice Giving: A subtle pathway to power.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, vol. 44, no. 5, Jan. 2018, pp. 746–61..